NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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