Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
