Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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