he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
