I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
