WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
