I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
How external is "for external use only"?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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