It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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