If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just high enough for therapy.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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