Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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