They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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