So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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