You're my little dorito
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
