Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
