So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
