So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
