lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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