Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize