i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
