I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
ttyl tear gas
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
