we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
