He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
