you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
