I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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