the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
