remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
