I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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