A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
