still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
