dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My hand turned me down
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
