I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
