I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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