gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
