Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
