it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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