I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize