Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
