you inspire me to be a worse person
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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