Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
