Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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