I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
