Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
