I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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