please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
