If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
