I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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