Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
