is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
