So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
