His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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