Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
BRING THE BAGELS
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
