did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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