thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
