I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
