it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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