a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
