we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
