It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
