drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize