I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
In other news, I just burned my penis
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
