I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I AM VODKA MAN
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
