It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
