Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
