a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
