I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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