mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
