At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
