I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
