Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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