If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
