He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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