meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
