I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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