My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
