You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
