...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize