At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
